If I MUST! So be it.

I- never- want to come to a place in my life where I am not completely dependent on God.  It is in suffering, unknowns, and impossible circumstances that we ARE totally dependent on God.  Pain seems to be the thing that God uses to keep me, where I have asked Him to.  He is merciful in giving me moments of refreshing and rest from it, but I can be certain the return is around the corner.

I am there again today.  Lord help me endure as it seems no matter what I do my back hurts.  I stand up and move around for while-it hurts.  I sit down with a heating pad-it hurts.  I try my massage bed-it hurts.  I try the inversion table-it hurts.  I sit and say Jesus, Jesus, Jesus over and over again.  I sing great is thy faithfulness, to the best of my memory- then switch to my fear of God playlist.  Finally I am to the point where I can begin to relax enough and focus on writing a book I am working on.  The distraction was nice and pain just in the background.   See total dependence on my Lord. Now I am standing again to write more of this post...the pain returns!  *Big Sigh*  I am going to go soak in a hot shower.

Well a shower and a chiropractor appointment later- that I finally broke down and made- I am feeling quite a bit better.  I was being so stubborn and not wanting to spend money on his services.  He said bare minimum I should do one adjustment per week until the adjustment keeps and then every other month after that.  Lord I ask for the every other month to come quickly, as you know our budget will be stretched with this.

Lord I finish by praising you through this pain, as YOU are what matters.  My relationship with You and acknowledging that I can't do it without You. You are my faithful, loving, and sovereign God.  You only allow what is for my best and what I can handle.

Thank You!!